The Next Chapter...

    SO, it is now August 31, 2023...I have moved from Enid, Oklahoma to Wichita, Kansas after my divorce. I am glad it is over and done with! I now live with some friends here and that makes it nice! I am glad to be back here in some familiar places and faces...
I had a birthday dinner where there were several of my friends and family gathered for dinner to celebrate the #43! I had a lot of fun. I had a delightful time with everyone who attended!! The next afternoon a few of us even went to the 101 Club and played BINGO! We were not winners, but it was worth the time to spend together to be there.

Some major things have been happening in some of my friends' lives also having an impact on my life. I won't go into detail on their information, I will try to keep it to how it is affecting my life. I have reached out to both my younger and my older sisters and asked them, individually, if they would get together with me. I have set plans with my older sister and my little sister said she would be able to get together in a couple weeks or so. I am hopeful for both meetings. My older sister and I are going to have lunch, at a place that is pretty close to where I am living now, this weekend. I am nervous about not having seen my sister in so many years, but am glad for this.

Someone I used to be close to has decided it is time to start making amends to me. It has been rough on me and I feel it is taking a toll on me while I try to process through all this mentally. I am not ready to forgive them for their part but I am open to the option that that become one, in the future. I have a lot to work on in the steps of recovery with these amends that have been made to me, as well as whatever comes from the meetings with my sisters. 

We shall see what the future holds. Can't wait for some things that are coming this next month, but I can't write about some of them, because they are a surprise!!! 

The COVID Stage

     I live in a mask mandated city and when I’m out I comply. I hand wash. I sanitize. But it wasn’t enough. When I started coughing and feeling bad on a Thursday, I knew I was sick with more than just an occasional cold or the flu. It just felt different. I was first tested positive October 31st, Halloween! Little did I know I would soon also experience fatigue, chest pain, chills, shortness of breath, runny nose, diarrhea, a new loss of taste and smell and a horrible headache!! I thought the list wasn’t going to end there for a while. I barely had the energy to do anything other than sleep, for almost two weeks I hardly moved from my bed. Phoenix tended to any needs I had. I’m so grateful he was there for me. 

About two weeks Phoenix started having a sore throat and feeling fatigued so he did get tested just to make sure, and of course it was positive for the COVID-19. He didn’t experience many more symptoms and bounced back much quicker than I have but, that did extend our quarantine. After quarantine was up I was on my way home from Bartlett, TN, about a half an hour from where I live in Memphis and I suddenly was extremely lost. Nothing looked familiar and I wasn’t sure how to get home. I was very confused. I called home and let Phoenix know what was going on, he helped keep me calm while I turned on my GPS to guide me home. I haven’t ever experienced confusion like that before or praise God since! It was scary! I have had two follow up COVID-19 tests and I am showing positive still. I can’t get into see one of my regular doctors because I am still positive. I’m also waiting to get into see a specialist who also requires a negative test in order for me to see them. I never thought I would have to put so much of my life on hold because I got COVID-19 but I have had to and it really is hard! Not being able to get the healthcare you’re used to having because you were sick, it just seems like something else could be done. I’m still having a bit of fatigue and some headache at times. My Doctor said symptoms can last several months later.

COVID-19 definitely is something that can throw your life upside down. Even if you’re trying to do everything you think you are to prevent getting it!

Getting Settled In Stage...

To say it hasn't been a bit crazy in the new house would be a bit of an understatement...!

I would like to say that everything is in normal and working order by now, but it still isn't. There are still about five outlets that do not work, we need the water line installed so we can get the ice maker in our refrigerator going and then there is the problem with the um, the bathtub. Yes, that is what I am going to call it because I don't really want to explain in detail what it is, but lets say we have to keep bleach on hand because the bathtub likes to get cleaned every day...Damn bathtub!!!

Phoenix and I have gotten a few things at the house set up. 

Our kitchen is mostly set up with the addition of some new appliances we had to buy this year. A microwave, stove, refrigerator, and a washer & dryer set were things we got when we moved to Memphis.  We have been decorating our dining room with our Cross Wall and things of the Pioneer Woman. Very slowly we are getting things set up to have our office and our own prayer room. Right now we are not that worried about the spare bedroom. I think we are going to use it as storage so we can get the other two rooms set up for now. We also are in need of some furniture for these rooms but S-Mom told us about a place we can go and get some, so as soon as we are able we will start looking there!!

I have been trying to get back on track with my healthier ways of eating since I have been able to prepare or Cody has been able to prepare most all of my meals or plan them at least. It has been extremely difficult trying to get back in the habit of eating right! It wasn't hard the first time at all, I just did it, but this time it has been extremely!!! I want to try new things, things that maybe I have never tried before, new dishes to prepare and maybe throw in some new exercises. I will hopefully have my healthcare set up soon so I can get set up with a bariatric doctor and get back in the swing of things and doing whatever I need to do to prepare myself for surgery if I can be deemed a candidate here in the 901...

It seems all you hear on the news is all about hate anymore. I am so worn out of all the hate the world has in it!! It needs to end. I do not have some magical cure for it, I just want to spread a little bit of love wherever I may be, so I just wanted to let you know now that you are reading this that I love you! You are an important person and thanks for stopping by...

The Packing Stage...

The boxes are starting to take over the house!! If it wasn’t real before than it was real now!! Phoenix and I are packing daily and getting ready for The Moving Stage!!
We are both ready for this new chapter in our lives! More to come later...

Whatever...

What's wrong with this picture?

There are so many things that I question now. I just don't understand how I got to this place. What made them ask me that night so long ago? What would have happened if I had said yes? But I didn't. I said no. And he listened to me. I wonder why he listened to me that night but not the other night? Why did he break my trust? Why did she break my friendship and my heart? I couldn't imagine the pain I felt from that heartbreak.
I have had my heart broken plenty of times since then. It is not something that you get used to though. Every time it happens again it is like it has never happened before. The pain is so intense and sharp inside. Will this pain pass as before with time? One hopes so. You will be given more than you can handle. If you weren't than you wouldn't rely on anyone other than yourself to get through this world.
Suicide is an option if you want it to be. Living is another option. What will you choose? Will you choose death or life? How long do you have to hold out for the pain to ease up or go away before you can't handle enough and decide to end it all?

Whatever!!!

HERE is a new idea I came up with.

Whatever!!!

Boom. Boom. Baby!!!